Thursday, July 20, 2006

Senate Sets New Standards for FEMA’s Replacement

The United States Senate charged EMPHYSEMA with specific performance standards. EMPHYSEMA is the new agency responsible for saving Americans in danger at home and abroad. In the past FEMA has this responsibility but Congressional action required an agency be created that properly reflected its stated objectives.

Manage Your Own
Hell while
Yelping loudly for the
Agency to respond

The Senate Homeland Security and Government Affairs Committee set minimum standards for the rescue of Americans in certain events. They are as follows:

Hospital & Nursing Home Patients in dead facilities should be rescued within 4-5 business days. The method they are to use is self rescue. If necessary an EMPHYSEMA approved contractor can give swimming lessions. Just keep those open wounds above water!

Americans Abroad Trapped in Open War Zones need to be evacuated within 8-12 business days. The method is via contracting with private sector. This gives ample profit making opportunity to government contractors.

The Committee anticipates setting similarly high performance standards in other areas in the coming weeks. The Senate is excited to have a new emergency management agency that lives up to its name.

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