Tuesday, July 18, 2006

Bush's Middle East Family Feud Part 2

Ehud barged into Lebby’s front door with his gun, walked up to her and pistol whipped her. “That’s for that no good, uncivilized son of yours. He just took a dump in my pool!” Ehud cracked the butt of the handgun over Lebby’s head and she went out like a light.

Hizzy watched through the door but turn and ran when he saw Ehud exiting. As the rich brother walked back by the pool, George called out to him. “Hey Ehud, how did it go? Will she get Hizzy to quit messing with you?” The violent brother shot back “Maybe, if Lebby ever wakes up. I gave her a good beating. If that doesn’t get her to make Hizzy stop, nothing will.”

The son sneaked back inside his own home to care for his mother. As Hizzy nursed her wounds, Lebby awakened. “Hizzy, it’s you. Help me to bed. I think I’ll be OK, but ohhh, my head hurts so.”

Hizzy knew he must enact revenge for Ehud’s second assault on his mother in days. He sneaked next door and purloined the brother’s pair of prized poodles. Knowing Ehud would return in a violent rage when he found they were gone, Hizzy took the poodles to a friend’s house.

The next morning George went out back by the pool to listen to tunes and found the dogs missing. He called out “Ehud, Princess and Queenie are gone. Did you leave the gate open by accident?” Then George saw the ransom note. It said “You will get your dogs back when Ehud quits pulling our fescue grass and stops beating my mother. Signed, Hizzy.”

George called out to Ehud, “It appears we have a situation on our hands. You handle it while I relax by the pool. Being the District Attorney is hard work.” Ehud went ballistic grabbed a tool from the garage and headed over to Lebby’s. On the way, the mad brother cranked up the flamethrower. When he hit their yard, Ehud torched everything in sight, grass, weeds, shrubs, and trees. As he burned their land Ehud thought ‘this will serve them right’. When he finished with the front yard, the livid man knocked on the door demanding “Lebby, I want my poodle back! Give me Princess and Queenie! Come out so I can give you what you deserve!”

Hizzy watched his crazy neighbor torch the yard, but had to do something when he stood outside yelling for Lebby and gunning his flamethrower. He called 911 and asked for help. Lebby, tired of Ehud’s verbal barrage and threats to burn down their house, opened the door. The poodle-less monster aimed his flamethrower square at Lebby’s eyes as he quivered with rage. “Lebby you have ten seconds to give me Princess and Queenie or face the consequences.”

At that moment a Sheriff’s deputy pulled up in front of the house. Deputy Kofi knew much of the history of the neighboring feud but he also worked for Ehud’s father, and his brother George decided which cases would go to trial in his role as DA. Kofi immediately read the volatile nature of the situation. He simply got out of his police car and filmed the going’s on.

Ehud heard the car roll up, quickly turned his head to assess the ever changing scene. When he saw which deputy arrived, his rage grew. “Not now, Kofi. My neighbor and I are just trying to work through our differences. You can run along, boy. We don’t need your help.”

Kofi said not a word, but kept the camera trained on Ehud as he pointed the idling flamethrower at Lebby’s face. The standoff last much longer than the ten seconds Ehud originally granted his intended victim. “C’mon Kofi, you know my daddy is your boss and George is the DA. I could blow off this woman’s face and they wouldn’t do jack squat to me. So you just run along boy. Go make some phone calls! Find that damn Hizzy. He is responsible for this.” Moving neither forward nor back, silently Kofi kept filming.

His arms grew tired holding the heavy flamethrower. That was the excuse he told himself for dropping the weapon and removing himself from the situation. In reality bullies don’t like to be caught and that film could end up in the wrong hands. Ehud stomped home after demanding his poodles be returned within the hour.

Kofi watched Ehud back away belligerently. With the immediate danger passed, Deputy Kofi turned to the victim. “What the hell is going on here Lebby?” She shook her head, “I don’t know where to start. My son Hizzy and Ehud have always gotten under each other’s skin but the last few days have been really bad. One incident requires another. It is an endless cycle of retaliation. Lately, Ehud beats me every time Hizzy does something bad to him or his property. See this knot on my heat. Just last night he pistol whipped me.”

Deputy Kofi lamented, “Dang Lebby, why don’t you call the authorities? Never mind, I know the answer to that question. With his dad the Sheriff and his brother the DA, Ehud is literally above the law. He answers to nobody. I am curious though. Can you recall the first incident between Hizzy and Ehud?”

Thinking back, Lebby said “It all started when Ehud changed his lawn to Bermuda grass. He likes it so much better. Our yard was Fescue and that drove Ehud nuts. At first he just wanted it to not encroach on his property. Then he took to pulling large sprigs of it on our lawn. Hizzy counted a pile of over 1,000 plugs from one weekend of Ehud’s work.”

She continued “My son likes our yard natural. He took offense to Ehud’s pulling our “weeds”. That’s when he started tossing doggie logs into their pool. Princess and Queenie come over to our property to poop. Hizzy thought that would funny, putting the poop back in the yard where it belongs. Needless to say, Ehud didn’t like that one bit. That prompted my first beating. The second came after Hizzy himself took a crap in the brother’s pool. My son didn’t like his mother being walloped for his actions so the situation got worse. He took their two poodles. That resulted in what you just saw.”

The Deputy responded, “That is brutal Lebby. What do you want me to do? Do you want me to try and arrest Ehud for trespassing and arson? After all he torched your front yard?” Lebby shook he head, “No Kofi that is alright. I appreciate your stopping his latest attack. Don’t arrest him, otherwise Hizzy and I will like bear the brunt of an even greater violent outburst. We don’t want to give him another reason to go into a Hizzy fit. Just save the film Kofi. Save the film.”

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