White House Dismisses Reports on Goss by Simply Dismissing Goss!

Dear President Bush,

The intrigue around CIA chief Porter Goss’ resignation continues to swirl. Hand picked by you only 19 months ago, the man turned in his pink slip just yesterday. The fact that both sides are tight lipped means only one thing, the CIA needs to investigate as to why their chief just stepped aside! You may have to pull them off their search for internal White House communications on its Katrina response or shrink the crew tackling Jack Abramoff’s visits, phone calls and e-mails to 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue. Either way it is critical the government know why Porter Goss stepped down.

"Reports that the president had lost confidence in Porter Goss are categorically untrue," White House spokeswoman Dana Perino said. A secret source translated the difficult but subtle Bush lingo for this reporter. “As for the President losing confidence in Porter Goss, that is individually true but categorically untrue. The President has not lost confidence in all the intelligence leaders, just the one. President Bush does not like leaks and he holds a grudge. It took all I had to keep Porter from being renditioned to one of those leaked CIA secret prisons in Europe. When Mr. Goss was summoned to the Vice Presidents plane earlier this week his boots were quaking. As he walked on the tarmac one could hear the urine splashing inside them. Cheney gave him a reprieve at the last minute and we ended up with a simple resignation which I gladly accepted as we attended Yale together. Oooopppsss. Don’t print that.”

The news did a nice setup for retiring senior government and elected officials when it said “many former directors take consulting positions on corporate boards”. Porter will soon be making his run off that diving board. In which Board Room will he land? Senior House members Tom DeLay and Bill Thomas will follow shortly thereafter. What kind of trick will they do as they dismount from the federal payroll? How big a splash will they make in their new corporate position on K Street? Write me back, I want to know your thoughts on the matter.

P.S. The secret source in this story is fictional, false, made up.