Friday, May 19, 2006

Bush Wants Newcomers to Know English So They Can Teach the Natives

Dear President Bush,

I think I know where you are going with your point about immigrants learning English. Once they have a "command of the English language", they can teach the many Americans who use bad grammar, don’t know how to spell, and pronounce words “funny”.

When the immigration debate began to heat up, I noted multiple spellings of the word in e-mails addressed to you on in my Friday evening review. The various spellings below come from the subject lines of e-mails sent to you. All referred to the immigration "problem".

Emigration, Portland, Oregon
Ikkigration, Richardson, Texas
Imagration, Trona, California
Imagaration, Hardy, Arkansas
Imigrants, Forest, Virginia
Imigration, Opelika, Alabama
Immagrattion, Madison, Maine
Immigation, Winder, Georgia
Immigrates, Winston, Oregon
Immigratio, The Dalles, Oregon
Immigraton, Gruver, Texas
Immigrtion, Spring, Texas
Immigtation, Garden Grove, California
Immagration (3) Modesto, Calif.; Bossier City, Louisiana; Forked River, N. Jersey
Immigants, Northridge, California
Immagrants, Bennington, Vermont
Immagaration, Ruston, Louisiana
Immigrantion, Carlsbad, New Mexico
Immegration (2) Afton, Missouri & Glendale, Arizona

Other notable misspellings include:

Gust workers, Bonner Springs, Kansas
Inernationalism, Cobleskill, New York
The Enviorment, Cincinnati, Ohio
Illeagel Imagration, Trona, California
Illegial Immigaration, Cumming, Georgia
Illegall, Fredericksburg, Virginia
Ilegal Imagration, Redondo Beach, California

Will the newly educated immigrants be able to teach our native citizens how to spell? Can they help the many Americans using poor grammar? My final question is will they be able to teach you to pronounce the word nuclear? Your version of “nukular” likely makes English teachers’ hair stand on end. Let me know if I misunderstood your motivation. I don’t mind being corrected…

P.S. Should you wish to invite any of the above persons for that English training, you already have their name and address!

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