Shooter “Goes In” the Old Bloc, Tries to Bag His First Game!

Dear President Bush,

In his ongoing search for quail Vice President Cheney traveled to former Soviet Bloc countries. They must have served a beer on the plane, because Shooter got off firing. In his sun splashed sights stood the Russian President Vladmir Putin. The V.P. got off a round or two before local authorities put an end to his rampage. It seems law enforcement there does not take most of the day to respond to a “hunting accident”.

Fortunately Vlad was most aware of the Veep’s propensity to shoot first and ask questions later. Mr. Cheney shouted “Your government has unfairly and improperly restricted the rights of people” as he pulled the trigger. The shot rang out and Mr. Putin in a Matrixx like scene held out his hand to block the spray. As he spoke two words “Unitary Executive”, the buckshot suspended in the air a few feet from the Russian President’s cheek before falling harmlessly to the ground.

Cheney turned and ran approximately twenty yards before turning back to face his enemy. “How did you do that Putty?” Vladmir said “I can see the Bush/Cheney code. It’s not a whole lot different than mine, yet you act everything you do is perfect and glorious while everyone else is lesser or even worse antagonistic. You are lucky I stopped at 'Unitary Executive'. Had I added Abu Ghraib, Guantanamo Bay, kidnapping people in the streets of foreign countries, drone fired missile attacks, secret CIA prisons in my old backyard, the buckshot would not have fallen harmlessly to the ground. It would have returned to you with twice its original force. Mr. Cheney, you would have gotten a taste of your own medicine.”

The V.P nodded as if he understood. “So what do we do now, Puty?” Vladmir responded “We each have our own version of the Matrixx. You are rewriting the code in the U.S. to deny rights under the guise of patriotism. We are doing likewise. You are strengthening the role of the President at the expense of other governing bodies. We do likewise. As long as we stay away from each other’s programs we seem to do O.K. The problem arises when we try to export our programs to the same section of the world. Here you are in my backyard pushing your version of hypocritical reality. We both are pushing in the Middle East and have been for a long time. Remember when the U.S. overthrew a democratic government in Iran for corporate oil interests?”

Cheney smiled as a thought spread through his mind. “Funny you mentioned that Putin. 1954 is long time ago and American people, they don’t remember a lot, that is if they learned it in the first place! We may have to resurrect that strategy if Chavi boy keeps stirring the pot in Venezuela. But basically you are telling me it is a matter of programs and conflicts between yours and ours.”

Putin nodded soberly as the Vice President continued, “We have to do one of three things. We go “mano a mano” in winner take all. That is our strategy with Islamic fundamentalists and used to be ours with the Red Scare. Or we write an interface that helps deal with the problems of our software incompatibility. It would kind of smooth out the major bumps. The third alternative is we work together on a major rewrite, a super upgrade. I think that is what the United Nations is supposed to be, but that is hard to accomplish when a few heavyweights are playing strategy number 1, winner take all. What do you think, Puty?”

“Mr. Cheney, what you say makes sense. My concern is should we pursue the interface or the upgrade, how can I trust you as you just tried to shoot me?” The Veep’s mouth moved animatedly but the answer could not be heard over the sirens of local law enforcement responding to the shooting. From a distance it looked like the same salutation the V.P. gave to Senator Leahy on the Senate Floor, “_uck Off!”, but I could be wrong…