Republican Party Chair Heads Back to Kindergarten for Lessons

Dear President Bush,

At the Republican Party annual meeting Chairman Ken Mehlman stressed the need for party leaders to find common ground on the immigration issue. He cited the party should follow the “politics of and” which requires people from both sides of the debate to come together.

The problem is Republicans have lost this skill in your term in office. “You are either with us or against us” snaked its way deep into the Elephant’s bowels before stopping it up. The “uniter not a divider” remained on vacation even for his own party.

Thus Ken Mehlman sheepishly admitted he needed to learn new skills to bring people together. He starts his advanced training at the Maya Angelou Elementary School where his teachers will be kindergarten students. Ken will learn all he ever really needed to know. This will require the GOP chair to forget polling, focus groups, soundbites, negative campaigns, verbal attacks, low blows, rumor mongering, bullying, and how to act like a sore winner.

His lessons include:

1. Sharing everything (yes, even credit with the other political party)
2. Playing fair (even in the midst of a heated election campaign)
3. Don’t hit people (especially in the middle of a heated campaign!)
4. Put things back where you found them (don’t take what’s not yours, especially from lobbyists!)
5. Clean up your own mess (don’t blame others for the mess you created)
6. Say your sorry when you hurt somebody (vs. demanding apologies)
7. Wash your hands before you eat (don’t pass on things that can make you sick)
8. Flush (when you create something foul, do your part to make it go away)
9. Warm cookies and cold milk are good for you (this is not a new code word for lobbyist gifts and trips)
10. Live a balanced life (end the permanent campaign)
11. Take a nap every afternoon (we are all alike when we are asleep)
12. When you go out in the world, watch out for traffic, hold hands and stick together (don’t create traffic for others)
13. Be aware of wonder (it is a state of non-want, non-competition and yes it does exist!)
14. Remember the first word you learned to read, the biggest word of all, Look (outside the party to begin with, then explore)

Based on a preliminary assessement it will take Mr. Mehlman three years to accomplish what most kindergartners do in one. He has so much to unlearn. But the folks at Maya Angelou will leave “no child left behind” and that includes Kenny! Best of luck to him and any other Republican operatives needing to see the light.

P.S. Credit for the list of 14 lessons goes to Robert Fulghum author of “All I Really Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten”