Wednesday, January 10, 2007

Bush Finishes Gorging on Smorgasbord of Options on Iraq

Tonight President Bush will announce the results of his month long digestion of what to do in Iraq, known as the “new way forward”. The previous “Stay the Course” strategy has been jettisoned, even though it was never clear which course stood in front of America’s place setting in Iraq. One might think after the “Mission Accomplished” celebration, everything would be dessert. It seems the electorate tired of blood pudding, which caused the President to eject “Stay the Course” from the cockpit of that aircraft carrier fighter jet.

Then came the short lived, “No Big Moves”. As White House spokesperson Tony Snow loves abbreviations that became “No B.M.’s”. The President remained true to his word and produced no B.M.’s as the situation in Iraq rapidly deteriorated. However that is expected to change this evening with a national prime time production.

Bush got a double dose of sustenance this past month. Some came from advisors, and the one’s he didn’t like, the President just replaced. A second helping came almost every meal courtesy of “insurgents”. With their knowledge that Bush likes things spicy, Shia and Sunni death squads regularly delivered jalapeno, bean and chipotle cheese burritos to the White House. With his daily Iraq security briefing, President Bush downed every one.

A month of gorging and digesting with no production created considerable pressure. The results will be delivered tonight in a speech to the country. Have your TIDY Bowl ready as Bush splatters the country with not just an ordinary Big Move (B.M), but one that will surely cause the electorate to retch. Over 70% already wanted relief from the debacle that is Iraq.

Instead of Pepto Bismol, President Bush is delivering hemorrhoidal cream. Yup, another dose of forced Freedhem will cure the fighting Iraqis…

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