Thursday, October 19, 2006

Pope Declares Catholic JIKYA in Canada, Similar to Jihad

Pope Benedict XVI keeps pushing the Catholic brand, this time by berating his subordinates in Canada’s Catholic Church. The Pope wants the church’s voice to be much louder in public policy debates. The Papal CEO plans on leveraging the work done by Neil French, formerly of worldwide ad agency WPP.

Last year Neil proposed a series of colored bracelets with catchy sayings to promote tired key Catholic positions. Dressing them up in a sound bite with bright initialed wrist adornments should help spread the word. One particular message will help the Pope and his bishops accomplish his objectives in Canada.

In order to get Catholic politicians not to pass legislation that contrast with church teachings, Neil proposed a puke colored bracelet with the initials “JIKYA” which stands for “Jesus is Kicking Your Ass”. The Pope distributed the wristlets rather forcefully when he met with his Canadian protégées. However, he did spare his subordinates the exorcism that normally follows the awarding of a JIKYA to an offending politician.

The head Canadian Catholic took his berating from the Pope and in turn decided to vilify the people of the Great White North. He called them without morals, a selfish and hedonistic society. Canada? Where people keep their doors unlocked and the murder rate borders on zero? What would this wise Archbishop say about the United States and its worship of violence and free markets?

The Archbishop knows even armed with a Papal JIKYA and thousands of puke colored bracelets he has a tough sell and is looking for allies. He said “Our allies in this are fundamentalist Christians and Muslims. We really need in Canada to support families.” My advice to the Archbishop, don’t let your new allies know the church’s position on who gets the final reward. Better hide those “Who Would Jesus Exclude” bracelets.

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