Wednesday, October 04, 2006

Getting Over Foley Hump, Republican Party & Catholic Church Merger Nears Completion

With one small mess yet to clean up with a hand towel, the Republican Party’s merger with the Catholic Church nears closing. The Rep. Mark Foley affair required the best crisis managers from both institutions as this tawdry situation must be put to bed before the union can be consummated.

Thus Karl Rove and Pope Benedict XVI himself went to work on this one. In a brilliant stroke, Rep. Foley admitted he’d been abused by a clergyman as a teen. On top of that, Mark is an alcoholic, sending horny text messages to teens only when drunk. This story quickly fell apart as Mark sent messages from the floor of the House where his lawyer vehemently denied Rep. Foley ever showed up plastered. Karl & Joseph, you have more work to do!

Child abusers are clinically different than gay or heterosexual persons as they suffer from pederasty. Foley’s assertion that he is gay and an alcoholic may be a great dodge as it allows him to enter a 28 day inpatient program and be shepherded from the public, the FBI and other legal authorities until election time. However, his self diagnosis means nothing until clinically verified.

Will Mark’s lawyer hold a press conference after his psychiatrists come to their conclusion? Who will diagnose and treat Mark? Will it be a mainstream psychiatric clinic with nationally recognized staff or will it be James Dobson type that specializes in casting out demons via the stick and claims to successfully convert perverts?

Once this minor hump is traversed, will the Republican Party and Catholic Church celebrate their merger with a ceremony and reception? What will happen the night of the union to consummate the joining? I never heard back from you which organization was the male and which the female. I guess in this case they could both be male, just make sure none are underage! The Catholic Church is some 1,600 years old and the age of the Republican Party is what, a mere 156 years old. Yes, the Church has experience with that….

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