Monday, December 04, 2006

Bush al-Hakim Dialogue?

President Bush met with a leading Iraqi Shiite leader to discuss the lack of progress in the fledgling democracy. They met for over an hour and due to yet another leak, portions of their discussion have leaked to the general public:

President Bush: Can I call you al-Hacky?

Abdul-Aziz al-Hakim: No.

Bush: As I sat hear thinking about your new nickname, al-Haqy, a hacky sack came to mind. Have you ever played Hacky Sack? It’s a hard game, and being a national leader is hard work. How come y’all haven’t made more progress?

Al-Hakim: We don’t have enough trained troops and they are poorly equipped. So far the U.S. has failed to end the violence. Thus groups within the country felt the need to form their own armies. One way to address the situation is to pursue help from Iran.

Hold on there, al-Hacky. You’re talking about a member of the Axis of Evil. I know you lived there for twenty years while we supplied chemical weapons to Saddam Hussein, but those guys are evil! Them and Syria.

Excuse me, Mr. President but Syria is a secular government in a country with a Sunni majority. Iran is Shia and an Islamic Republic. Without a common enemy, these two will not be friends for long.

Did you say something Hacky, I missed it. Notice I dropped the "al" in your nickname. Oh and why is everything moving so slowly?

Did you drink too much? Or did someone slip you a Mickey?

No, I remember those days well...but this is different. I’m talking about the slow pace of progress in Iraq.

We made it to the Civil War stage in only 3 years. That seems pretty advanced compared to America’s almost 100 years to reach the same phase. Should we be on a similar timeline, only two more years before women get to vote and 3 more before black people get the same rights as whites.
In four years we will formally stomp on homosexual’s rights before we take serious action to spy on our citizens, holding some without charges indefinitely. Oooopss, we’re already doing that!

Well, when you put it that way Hacky it sounds like Iraq will soon be like America. Just let me know how I can help. Can someone pass me a hot buttered roll? I feel a Syria comment working its way up. I prefer to curse with my mouth full. Oh, Hackman you weren’t there at the G-8 meeting. Let me tell you about it. Me and Poodle Blair…

I saw the reruns, potty mouth.

You did? It must have been during one of those times electricity ran. We are proud of our record in rebuilding Iraq. Did you see me give Paul Bremer an award for frittering away $8 billion of your reconstruction money, also known as American's taxpayer money?

Of this I am aware. If you expect loan repayment, you are sadly mistaken. You break it, you own it.

Well, I am aware of your Badr Brigades, your personal private army. Has this group conducted any assasinations? Has it added to the instability of the country?

Al-Hakim: My followers are instructed to protect our people. Have they killed anyone while defending me or my constituents? The answer is yes.

Bush: Gotcha! You've sacked other Iraqis. Now I can call you Sacky Hack!

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