White House “Setting the Record Straight” on SOD’s Allegations

The White House intends to set the record straight regarding assertions by the blogger State of the Division that it purposefully omitted any mention of The Carlyle Group’s LifeCare Hospitals and their 24 patient deaths in its post Hurricane Katrina Lessons Learned Report.

As the White House did not actually learn any lessons from its investigation, the blogger’s assertions are spurious at best and politically motivated at worst. As an independent blogger, State of the Division wishes to promote the wide spate of independent candidates running across the country. Evidence shows he lives in a state with 2 independent candidates for governor. Texas has Kinky Friedman and Carol Strayhorn. State’s parents grew up in Connecticut, home of the now independent Joe Lieberman. His axe is obvious.

While he did help evacuate a hospital prior to a powerful hurricane and worked through a flood that robbed a 725 bed teaching hospital of power, these were back in the 80’s. Such ancient history is not a foundation for current disaster management. Cell phones were big and clunky, communism the threat, Saddam a trusted friend, and Japanese automakers were kicking the "hot buttered roll word" out of American auto manufacturers. Senior President Bush was in the White House and his no good son George was partying hard, drinking heavily and doing drugs. Experiences from that era count for nothing.

While State is correct that no mention of the LifeCare deaths exists in the Lessons Learned report, the White House traced the problem to an electronic malfunction. The original report had such information but a blip occurred during editing. The same electronic pulse that caused Air Force One to suddenly dip to 10,000 feet over New Orleans reoccurred during the creation of the report knocking Frances Fragos-Townsend across the room. When she got back to her computer the section of the document on LifeCare deaths disappeared. In its’ place stood a thank you note from none other than Lou Gertsner, CEO of Carlyle and directions on where to pick up the check. It is just a short walk down Pennsylvania Avenue to Carlyle’s headquarters.

The White House hopes this clears up the blatantly true, but widely ignored allegations of State of the Division.

P.S. This is a fictional response from the White House, not true, intended for humorous purposes. The part about LifeCare deaths missing from the Lessons Learned report is sadly accurate.