Tuesday, May 15, 2007

Vasoline to Hire Gonzales as Spokesman

Impressed with the Attorney General's long acting slipperyness, Vasoline announced today it would hire Alberto Gonzales as its spokesman once he retires from government service.

"The Vasoline brand would love to be associated with Alberto. I mean the guy can slip out of questions, transfer blame to subordinates with sleaze while greasing the skids for blatant political interference in American jurisprudence."

Just today, the Attorney General delegated blame to his resigning number 2.

"You have to remember, at the end of the day, the recommendations reflected the views of the deputy attorney general. He signed off on the names, and he would know better than anyone else, anyone in this room, anyone _ again, the deputy attorney general would know best about the qualifications and the experiences of the United States attorneys community, and he signed off on the names."

Gonzales also called McNulty's pending departure "a loss. ... I'm really going to miss him." Given all the times Alberto testified on this topic, how often has he blamed his number 2? Just like Alberto said nearly 100 times before the Senate on the firings a month ago, "I don't know or my memory is hazy". I don't recall the Attorney General mentioning the key role his Deputy played before.

However, I have some advice for Alberto. This issue has traction because of the fear the average employee has of being canned for political reasons. Such slippery actions violate our sense of fair play. Why can't Alberto represent the basic "performance reasons" his valuable number 2 applied in this instance? Do Mr. Gonzales and his deputy not meet to discuss such issues?

After testifying before Congress 3 times, it still remains a mystery. Either the AG doesn't know how to do his homework or he looks like the coniving, sniveling yes man who executes his boss's arbitrary personnel decisions. Most of us fear people like him every day in the workplace...

P.S. Vasoline's hiring Alberto Gonzales is fiction, at least for now!

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