Tuesday, October 30, 2007

SOD Offers to Help Mukasey

As an active water boarder, State of the Division freely offers to give Justice Department nominee Judge Michael Mukasey lessons in the challenging sport. Call me Mike? West Texas has plenty of wind this time of year. But it could be chilly, as opposed to the hot air regularly emanating from the White House and Capital.

A huge plume of smoke arose from the White House as President Bush called Congress on the carpet for inaction, for incompetence. The problem is the President's personal effluent lies in the corner in the form of his Lessons Learned report after Hurricane Katrina. While he castigates others on healthcare, George left out the hospital with the largest patient death toll, LifeCare. What kind of investigative report omits 24 patient deaths? Some might say a nearly two year old incomplete report has no bearing today, but alas, it still reeks. The private equity firm in charge of LifeCare during Katrina plans to buy 550 facility Manor Care. If they can fail patients in one of 21 LTAC's, what can they do with 550 mostly nursing home sites when a disaster strikes? It's directly pertinent, but as usual no one's talking. That might mess up The Carlyle Group's good name.

But back to the issue of water boarding. When the Judge shows up for his lesson, I'll ask him what it's like after a particularly long dunking. Getting a foot caught between the mast and board can cause one's head to remain underwater for quite some time. Without a wet suit, one's skin might turn blue as the mast grinds against their ankle and shin. How ya' feeling Judge? Nearly everyone says their first day waterboarding is torture. Afterward, I'll ask him to put a small lie detector on President Bush, preferably one that makes a farting noise when George W. lies. I can't wait for him to say $83,000 again when giving his double S-CHIP veto. Ffffrrrrrppppppp!

(For those questioning my patriotism, I refer you to my Elephant hat and red, white and blue tie. All good Repugnicants have such items in their closet! Damnocrats are already out of the closet...)

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