Monday, July 02, 2007

Bush's Grant of Executive Clemency Worth Reading

The White House website published President Bush's Grant of Executive Clemency for Lewis "Scooter" Libby. For those who want the real SOD skinny read below:

WHEREAS Lewis Libby was convicted in the United States District Court for the District of Columbia in the case United States v. Libby, Crim. No. 05-394 (RBW), for which a sentence of 30 months' imprisonment, 2 years' supervised release, a fine of $250,000, and a special assessment of $400 was imposed on June 22, 2007;

WHERAS I, GEORGE W. BUSH, President of the United States of America, don't give a hoot about the U.S. whether it be the District Court or the Independent Prosecutor, who I personally appointed, I do hereby grant Scooter Libby one of my Get Out of Jail Free Monopoly Cards pursuant to my powers under Article II, Section 2, of the Bush soiled Constitution. By commuting the prison terms imposed by the sentence upon the said Lewis Libby to expire immediately, I hereby crap on the U.S. legal system, but pretend I don't by leaving intact and in effect the two-year term of supervised release, with all its conditions, and all other components of the sentence. The parole is to be served alongside Paris Hilton via shared ankle bracelets. I hereby require Mr. Libby to personally send me any videos produced by said pair of parolees while showering.

IN WITNESS THEREOF, I have hereunto set my royal hand this second day of July, in the year of our Lord, damn that was a close lightning strike, two thousand and seven, and of the Independence of the United States of America the two hundred and thirty-first, and the sixth year since our Constitution became optional.


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