The relatively young sport of windsurfing joins the group of sports seeking to “refresh” its image for greater consumption. With carbon booms/masts and bomb proof sails, it has long joined NASCAR and the NBA in trying new innovations to improve the sport. However, these efforts haven’t kept Karl Rove, Clifford May and Perry Flippen from trashing the sport as a wimpy, liberal, John Kerry loving, Amnesty International supporting hobby “not worthy” of Olympic inclusion. (Never mind that Karl, Cliff and Perry couldn’t make it around the kid’s course in any local windsurfing race.)
However, the folks in charge of windsurfing decided personal attacks at its detractors will not do the trick. Instead the sport is changing its name to something these gentleman can get their arms around, “waterboarding”. This manly act of aggression also has as its aim the exposure of truth to save lives. The new macho altruistic name needs to be communicated via advertising.
The promotional campaign will show our founding fathers joyfully riding “waterboards” as they make their way from England to the New World. (Running away from King George can be fun.)
Native Americans will “oh and ah” onshore as Thomas Jefferson launches a 360 on the Chesapeake Bay. George Washington will use that cut down cherry tree to build a new short board for windy days on the Potomac. And Ben Franklin will invent the first see through sail with bifocal capabilities. Combine the Founding Fathers and torture with a chance to rule the elements and the sport will experience an American resurgence. (It is already popular worldwide).
The United States can remake the sport and must do it now before the likes of Karl, Cliff and Perry change their mind and call for “Waterboarding” to be made illegal…