Sunday, April 30, 2006

DoubleMint Commercial Ideas

Dear President Bush,

The marketing folks at DoubleMint loved your comedy routine at the National Press dinner yesterday evening. Paired with a Bush imitator, President Bush issued his remarks on such important issues as Laura’s hot looks and Vice President Cheney’s one beer primed hunting accident. Wrigley execs would like to use segments of the act in a series of domestic commercials.

However, they feel what works domestically may not work internationally. So they wish to create a different promo for worldwide consumption building on your and the Iranian Ayatollah’s preference for using the word double or its synonym. As both you and Ayatollah Khamenei are focused leaders, the commercial would have you engaging in a series of competitive events.

Since you love baseball, the first piece would have you pitching to the Ayatollah at Wrigley Field. The Iranians would have a man on first. It picks up with you throwing a strike and the Ayatollah whiffing for Strike 2. The next pitch the Iman raps a double up the middle. With batters on second and third you walk the next batter. The bases are loaded with one out, a double play will get you out of the inning safely.

The camera zooms in on the Ayatollah who is verbally berating you. You calmingly nod in acknowledgement before doubly flipping him off. Once you re-sheath your glove hand, you hurl heat at the next Iranian batter. Contact is made, an infield grounder. The shortstop makes the grab, flips it to the second baseman, who then turns the double play. The commercial closes with you and the Ayatollah giving each other double high fives and then jumping into each other, chest bouncing off of chest. It is good thing you both had fresh DoubleMint breath given that close physical contact.

Another ad uses a basketball theme. The Ayatollah could be lampooned here. He could be shown double dribbling. Of course he would ignore the referee blowing the whistle. Picture Kofi Annan, the U.N. Chief wearing a referee’s uniform. Kofi runs around chasing the Iranian leader, yelling double dribble between whistle bursts. Finally, the ref gets Khamenei’s attention, explains the rule and warns him that he could get a technical for further violations. The ball is in-bounded to you near the 3 point line. You launch a rainbow which swishes through the net. The crowd cheers for a 3 pointer, but Kofi fails to raise his arms as your foot was on the line. You get a 2 pointer.

The last commercial in the series would have a political theme. It would show your traditional Bush double speak while playing off the Iranian’s slipperyness in negotiations, their use of double talk. Your segment would show last fall's speech when you said “the days of low income seniors having to make painful sacrifices to pay for their prescription drugs are now coming to an end”. Then the camera pans to several poor elderly and disableds also known as "dual eligibles". It shows them panhandling on a street corner for funds to pay the additional co-pays and the cost of their non-formulary medicines previously covered under Medicaid. The Iranians would be shown refusing a proposal for any IAEA inspections, then weeks later bringing that same proposal back to the bargaining table calling it "eminently acceptable".

What do you think? Do you have any reactions to any one of the international commercials? Are you willing to help out the folks at DoubleMint? Once they get you signed they will share their grand finale ideas. It has both you and Khamenei doing your double speak, working with allies in double dealing, and crescendoing into a double cross. Then it will say “Two, two, two wars in one! You need fresh breath to fight so use DoubleMint!”

1 comment:

Unknown said...

Ah..such a zinger at the evil bastards but so funny..and to use my favorite sport..double kudos dear man..