Tuesday, June 01, 2010

Wayward Hayward's Risk Management Lines

Who's writing BP CEO Tony Hayward's lines? His words read risk management, his mouth insensitive clod.

The oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico is "relatively tiny" compared with the "very big ocean".

It's not tiny by Exxon Valdez standards.

On Sunday, Hayward disputed the existence of the plumes, saying testing by the company showed no evidence that oil was being suspended in large masses underwater.

Tony offered another explanation for the fishermen's respiratory illness: spoiled food.

"Food poisoning is clearly a big issue," Hayward said Sunday. "It's something we've got to be very mindful of. It's one of the big issues of keeping the Army operating. You know, the Army marches on their stomachs."

Only in food poisoning, the company doesn't need to confiscate clothes of hospitalized workers.

On asking fishermen to sign liability releases, one of BP's first risk management acts after the conflagration, Hayward said:

"It was a bit bumpy to get it going. We made a few little mistakes early on."

On what he'd say to residents of the Gulf Coast:

I'm sorry. We're sorry for the massive disruption it's caused their lives. There's no one who wants this over more than I do. I'd like my life back.

What's next out of Wayward Hayward's pie hole? Anne Womack-Kolton, Line!

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