Thursday, August 10, 2006

Birthing New Middle East via C-Section with No Anesthesia

Knuckle dragging OB/GYN President George W. Bush wants to deliver a “new Middle East”. Sec of State Condi Rice called the current violence “birth pangs”. His partner British PM Tony Blair says it will teach the newborn “Western values”. The anesthesiologist, numb to the pain of others, is Ehud Olmert, the Israeli Prime Minister.

The questions in my mind are how long will the labor be and what will be delivered? The labor appears to be progressing slowly. After a month of fighting the United Nations is yet to weigh in on this critical matter. Held up by one country the United States, the UN should consider changing its name. Might the “United Station” be more reflective? They need to scrub up and assemble the team if they plan on delivering this baby.

Nurse midwife John Bolton, appears to be arguing with the patient. As a result the mother’s blood pressure rises dangerously. It’s time for a C-Section. Anesthesiologist Ehud Olmert cannot be found, the procedure must go on. OB George Bush pulls out the knife, makes the incision on the now screaming mother. In minutes the doctor pulls the writhing infant free. The strangest thing happens. After cutting the umbilical cord to the mother, George hooks the cord up to himself.

Rather than Rosemary’s baby, the new Middle East will be George’s baby. With Tony Blair and Ehud Olmert eager to help out I can see a movie in the future, Three Men and a Baby. Or its It The Omen?

The current occupants of the old Middle East aren’t so happy about the current events. President Bush’s long time friend Saudi Foreign Minister al-Faisal is tired of having his advice ignored by Bush and company.

“We would like to return to the old Middle East, because we don't see anything in the new Middle East apart from more problems," Saudi Foreign Minister Saud al-Faisal. The Lebanon conflict has sparked a wave of anti-U.S. sentiment in the region, with frequent protests in moderate states like Egypt, Jordan and Kuwait. The anger - also focused at Arab governments - threatens to boost the appeal of Islamic fundamentalists, many warn. The bloodshed has also given American calls for democracy a bad name and has left activists disillusioned.

As for Lebanon, how will previous non Hezbollah supporters react to Israel’s destruction of their communities, of their nation? Yes, Condi, George, Ehud, and Tony are yet to choose a name for the new tyke. The way things are going (and have gone for 3 years in Iraq), if it’s a girl, I suggest Rosemary, if it’s a boy, I’d go with Damien.

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