Sunday, April 15, 2012

Bachelor of ______ in Security Studies

Not another ASU dream?  Here's how it went:
Angelo State University's Provost-in-Waiting Brain May looked forward to his coronation, the adoring crowds, the flowers, the opportunity to wear his new title.  Yet, two things occupied his mind.  The first was how to thank his mentor, ASU President Dr. Joe Rallo.

May thought back on his good fortune, "Who gets to pick their search committee?  Not many people.. Dr. Rallo needs something big named after him, much more than campus yard art or a silly children's game, like 'Rallo, May I.'". 

The other thing bugging May was the missing words in nearly all the Center for Security Study (CSS) degrees.  Other universities' had words like "Arts" or "Science" in their Security Degree titles.  Of eight undergraduate degrees, six were art-less and science-lacking.  This ate at his academic craw.

Suddenly, a divine inspiration struck May.  He could honor Dr. Rallo and round out the names of wholly inadequate Security Study degrees.  They could be Bachelors of Rallo in Security Studies.

Border Security (Online and Hybrid)

  • Bachelor of Rallo in Security Studies (B.S.S.) in Border and Homeland Security
  • Bachelor of Rallo for Border Security (B.B.S.)  (AU-ABC Program)

Cultural Competence/Fluency and Security Studies (Online and Hybrid)

  • Bachelor of Rallo in Security Studies (B.S.S.) in Culture and Security Studies
  • Bachelor of Rallo in Cultural Competence and Security Studies (B.C.C.S.S.) (AU-ABC Program)
  • Bachelor of Rallo for Cultural Fluency and Security Studies (B.C.F.S.S.) (AU-ABC Program)

Intelligence, Security Studies, and Analysis (Online and Hybrid)

  • Bachelor of Rallo in Security Studies (B.S.S.) in Intelligence, Security Studies, and Analysis
Of course, the non-Rallo degrees would need to be taken down a notch.  May proposed:

Criminal Justice (On-Campus and Hybrid)

  • Bachelor of Demented Arts in Criminal Justice (B.A.)
  • Bachelor of Blasphemic Science in Criminal Justice (B.S.)

May pondered how this could be a fitting tribute to Dr. Rallo, given the Center for Security Studies is clearly his legacy.    May's mind wandered, "Provost-in-Waiting could turn into President-in-Waiting."  He liked the sound of "replacing Rallo" rolling off his tongue. 


Anonymous said...

The Provost-in-Waiting (PIW) has allegedly secured the loyalty and adoration of his faculty subjects by promising them a raise. Alas, there will be no raises for staff serfs again this year according to the PIW.

Anonymous said...

There sure is a lot of "B.S." floating around ASU!!! LOL!!!

Anonymous said...

Just got word May is in! Big surprise.