On the day when General Petraeus testifies before Congress on the state of the Middle East's newest democracy, CNN's breaking news states Idaho Senator Larry Craig wants to withdraw his guilty plea for lewd behavior in a Minneapolois airport.
"I had to go number two real bad so I ran from my plane to the men's room. How was I to know it was the gay meet up place? Anyway, my favorite stall was occupied. How dare he? So I glared through the crack in the door as menacingly as possible, hoping to scare the crap out the goy so he'd leave. How was I to know he was a fearless cop?"
A reporter asked "How traumatic, Senator, what happened next?"
"Thank you for asking. I had to potty in my least favorite stall. For me to get the proper pooping angle, my physiology requires a wide, NFL down lineman stance. You should see the john's in our house, there are yards of free range, squating space. I also like to pre-emptively prepare a handful of toilet paper. The tiniest corner of the wad flacked off falling to the floor. I couldn't bear to see what was once a tall strapping Idaho tree go to waste. So I reached down. The feathery little fellow flew into the air toward the stall next door. I quickly grabbed the base of the divider and ran my hand back and forth to create a breeze that would return the little fellow to me for proper use. The next thing I know the man next to me flashes a badge and I'm charged with a crime. Despite all my best preparations, the poop never shooted. Therefore, I didn't flush, wanting to conserve water in the Land of 10,000 Lakes."
The Senator paused to wipe a tear from his eye, before steeling himself in righteous indignation.
"At first I thought it best to resign my Senate seat rather than make a spectacle of myself. But my friend Senator Specter encouraged me to hold firm, to stand up to the cop who squatted in my favorite stall. So today, I tell you the truth. I am a victim of having a broad stance and wanting to conserve valuable natural resources. With that I plead my case."
Wind breaking news....
"I had to go number two real bad so I ran from my plane to the men's room. How was I to know it was the gay meet up place? Anyway, my favorite stall was occupied. How dare he? So I glared through the crack in the door as menacingly as possible, hoping to scare the crap out the goy so he'd leave. How was I to know he was a fearless cop?"
A reporter asked "How traumatic, Senator, what happened next?"
"Thank you for asking. I had to potty in my least favorite stall. For me to get the proper pooping angle, my physiology requires a wide, NFL down lineman stance. You should see the john's in our house, there are yards of free range, squating space. I also like to pre-emptively prepare a handful of toilet paper. The tiniest corner of the wad flacked off falling to the floor. I couldn't bear to see what was once a tall strapping Idaho tree go to waste. So I reached down. The feathery little fellow flew into the air toward the stall next door. I quickly grabbed the base of the divider and ran my hand back and forth to create a breeze that would return the little fellow to me for proper use. The next thing I know the man next to me flashes a badge and I'm charged with a crime. Despite all my best preparations, the poop never shooted. Therefore, I didn't flush, wanting to conserve water in the Land of 10,000 Lakes."
The Senator paused to wipe a tear from his eye, before steeling himself in righteous indignation.
"At first I thought it best to resign my Senate seat rather than make a spectacle of myself. But my friend Senator Specter encouraged me to hold firm, to stand up to the cop who squatted in my favorite stall. So today, I tell you the truth. I am a victim of having a broad stance and wanting to conserve valuable natural resources. With that I plead my case."
Wind breaking news....
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