Gonzales Pointedly Incompetent

Attorney General Alberto Gonzales attempted to call on a longtime Justice Department reporter but couldn't recall his name. "Sorry, I have fuzzy memories. I can't even remember the wife's or kids' names. I just interchange 'boopsy' and 'shithead' depending on my mood."

Gonzales Now Brain Dead

Fatigued by months of not recalling, Alberto Gonzales' brain completely shut down. President Bush still plans to award the Attorney General with a medal for his courage under dire circumstances. In addition to stating his unqualified support for the AG, Bush added "who should be asked about how they perform their job? That's so 1990's."