Bush Finally Unites in Offer of Telecom Immunity

After eight years of promising to be "a uniter, not a divider", President George W. Bush succeeded in getting Republicans and Democrats to unite around telecom immunity. Of course, the President was ably aided by telecom lobbyists and PAC donations.

The group of flaccid, jellyfish, spineless legislators flopped around in search of a technical element that maintains the appearance of separation of powers. The end result of the law is the further anchoring of the unitary Presidency, when the Chief Executive acts as legislator, executive and judiciary, all rolled up into one.

Get this. For the program to be legal, all a President has to do is produce an order and say it's legal. House Speaker, Nancy Pelosi, cited the bill's importance in maintaining democracy, or at least the appearance of it. Sorry Nancy, you're officially now the Court Jester.

This serf is sick and tired of separate rules for the landed gentry. I'm sore from being roughly ridden by this incompetent, heavy handed White House. The good news is the little people get to vote come November. My mantra is "Every incumbent out... EIO, EIO".

Fire in the Chest Cavity, Run Republicans Run

"Devil in the house of the rising sun," belted singer Charlie Daniels at the President's National Republican Congressional Committee fundraising dinner. "Charlie Ward in the counting house, picking out dough, Granny does your scant money matter? No, child no."

President Bush played the air violin next to the jamming Daniels. The audience, wall to wall with elected Congress persons and their significant others, roared with delight. Senator Larry Craig jiggled the handle on his special seat, doing so in time with the music. Senator Sam Brownback crooned every word while clapping slightly out of time. The lead singer customized his "Devil Went Down to Georgia" song for this special event.

"The devil went down to D.C.
He was looking for a new soul to steal
And he was in a bind, cause he was way behind
Cause Congress sold theirs long ago for donations that made them squeal
The devil came across a young man fast on the adding machine,
He jumped on file cabinet and said,
"Boy, consider this scene:

I guess you didn't know it
but I'm an accountant too,
And if you care to take a dare
I'll make a bet with you
Now you play a pretty good abacus boy
but give the devil his due
I'll bet an adding machine of gold
against your soul
'Cause I think I'm better than you."

The boy said, "My name's Charlie
and it might be a sin
but I'll take your bet, you're gonna regret
'Cause I'm the best that's ever been."

Charlie chalk your fingers up and play those keys hard
'Cause hell's broke lose in D.C.
And the devil deals the cards
And if you win you get this shiny calculator made of gold
But if you lose the devil gets your soul.

The devil opened up his case and he said,
"I'll start this show"
And fire flew from his fingertips
As he chalked up his nails
When he flashed his fingers over the keypad
It made an evil wail
Then a band of demons joined in
and it sounded something like this.

(an eerie chorus sang "send money to Nigeria in return for millions in lottery winnings" as the cacophonous sound of thousands of toilets flushing simultaneously roared in the background)

When the devil finished Charlie said,
"We'll you're pretty good ol' son,
But sit down in that chair right there
and I'll show you how it's done."

Charlie debited and credited at lightning speed,
stealing from pensioners and widows alike in pursuit of greed
It took a few paltry seconds for Charlie to best the devil's African haul
National Republican Congressional accounts had been mauled

The devil bowed his head
Because he knew that he'd been beat
And he laid that golden adding machine
On the ground at Charlie's feet
Charlie said, "Devil, just come on back
if you ever want to try it again,
I told you once
You son-of-a-bitch
I'm the best that's ever been."

Fire in the chest cavity, run Republicans run
Devil in the house of the rising sun
Charlie Ward in the counting house, picking out dough,
Granny does your scant money matter? No, child no.

The throng of elected officials roared in delight, their memories of voting for anti-fraud Sarbanes-Oxley legislation long faded. A group that failed to live up to the standards of a local non-profit governing board, cheered George W. on air violin. After all, it was the President's annual fundraising dinner, the menu for Charlie's five year National Republican Congressional Committee sampling.

Bush Prays with Pope

President Bush visited the Vatican and prayed with Pope Benedict XVI. In a David Letterman like dream scene, I can picture him sharing the content of their heavenly request.

We prayed for America to remain strong and blessed, because God favors countries and governments. I asked for God's compassion for recent victims of that pagan bitch, Mother Nature's wrath. The tomato outbreak, I mean tornado, killed many innocent people. I beseeched God for legal protection for all my ungodly deeds. And I asked him to strike down that turncoat Scott McClellan and to met equal punishment for any future testifiers. Those are the highlights.

Yes, highlights...

Health Insurance Affordability: Little to None

President Bush will likely oversee the 9-9 health insurance debacle in America, nine million additional uninsureds, plus nine million with less than optimal coverage. Already over 7,000,000 Americans lost health insurance, while George W. occupied the White House. I'm predicting a banner final year with nearly 2,000,000 more losing coverage.

The New York Times reported the number of underinsureds, those at risk for bankruptcy should a major health condition arise, grew from 16 million in 2003 to 25 million in 2007. I predicted a major increase in the underinsureds when employers switched to high deductible health plans while choosing not to fund their employees' health savings accounts.

Today, Presidential hopeful Barack Obama delivered meals to hospital patients at Barnes-Jewish Hospital in St. Louis. With more and more uninsured and underinsured Americans postponing care due to lack of coverage, what will be the long term consequences? Studies show it will result in more preventable emergency room visits and early patient deaths. The Bush team knew this quite well as it sat on its hands for eight years.

More sleight of hand awaits as a bipartisan group of Congress persons aim to jettison the cost of health insurance onto the individual citizen. Employers are salivating to ditch that pesky health insurance benefit and their legislative lackeys aim to please. Unions joined the effort to have relevance as a huge health insurance group purchaser, so no one is on the individual citizen's side.

However, if Barack delivers one of those yummy hospital meals to your room, please tell him that all Americans need coverage and everyone needs to fund the system based on ability to pay. That means those with more, pay more.

It also means an end to the 15% annual returns for health insurance companies. I know that will be the hardest pill to swallow. Who will Barack listen to more, the sick patient getting the warm tray or his VP selection chair (who sits on the board of UnitedHealth Group)? And I know who isn't getting over $300,000 a year in consulting fees from quasi-governmental Fannie Mae.

It remains to be seen whose tray Barack will carry. Stay tuned!

Inappopriate Pentagon Activity is Huge Iranian Threat!

Did you know that Iran has tunnels with weapons that lead into other countries, hint, hint, Afghanistan after 9-11? At least that's what the Jerusalem Post would have the world believe in their piece on a U.S. Senate Intelligence Committee report.

It turns out the report scolded a smattering of Pentagon neo-cons for meeting with Iranians known to be dubious. They then failed to report their "findings" to other government agencies with a need to know. What should be a huge stamp of incompetence on the Bush administration ended up pointing the finger at Iran's tampering with neighboring countries.

But guess who's back in charge of a State Department Committee on Weapons of Mass Destruction Intelligence? It would be the same Paul Wolfowitz that acted inappropriately in the Pentagon in 2001 and 2002. I bet he's carrying more secrets at the moment, including details about a future AIPAC inspired attack on Iran.

Guess who's in Israel sharing intelligence at this very moment? The JP reported, "Amidst reports that President George W. Bush is considering taking military action against Iran, the US Director of National Intelligence Mike McConnell paid a rare visit to Israel Tuesday for talks with heads of the Israeli intelligence community." I hope he does better at sharing than Stephen Hadley did in 2001 and 2002. Of course, now things are different. Mike is meeting with America's greatest ally and not another branch of his own government.

Bush Team Called Mentally Ill

Iran's supreme leader, Ayatollah Ali Khamenei increased the likelihood of a U.S. sponsored application of whup ass when he called President George W. Bush and his advisers "mentally ill."

"Sometimes they threaten, sometimes they order assassinations ... and sometimes they ask for help - it's like mad people staggering to and fro," he said.

Here's where the supreme leader made an error in judgement:

"Iran is not after nuclear weapons. It is after peacefully using nuclear energy ... we will follow this path and ... will reach it. The Iranian nation has announced a number of times that we are not after nuclear weapons. Everybody knows this and logic also confirms this. Nuclear weapons do not bring a nation any power because it cannot be used," he told the crowd that had gathered at the shrine where Khomeini is buried near the capital Tehran.

The Ayatollah called Bush, the leader of a nation with nuclear weapons, a madman. Who says he and his mentally ill advisers won't use a nuke to stop another nation from getting nukes? It's a mad, mad world.

Beating Up Neighborhood Thug

Tzipi Livni, Israel's Foreign Minister, escalated her rhetoric against Iran as over 7,000 cheerleaders for war gathered in Washington, D.C. at the annual AIPAC convention. The former terrorist hunter in Paris said, "either you beat up the neighborhood thug, or you join him." While many would see the United States as the largest thug in the region, it's clear Israel and America are joined at the hip. That leaves Iran as the obvious target for a bruising. The question now is when it will occur?